Review - Mars Attacks! (1996)

       Hey guys, Chuck here, and this is my review of the 1996 alien invasion comedy Mars Attacks!. Based on the trading card game of the same name by Topps, this movie stars the likes of Jack Nicholson, Glenn Close Annette Bening, Pierce Brosnan, Danny DeVito, Martin Short, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michael J. Fox, Jim Brown, Pam Grier, Rod Steiger, Paul Winfield, Natalie Portman, Lukas Haas, Jack Black, Christina Applegate, Sylvia Sydney, and Lisa Marie, and was directed by Tim Burton from a screenplay by Jonathan Gems. 

        So, the movie opens on a farm outside of Lockjaw, Kentucky, where a couple local farmers smell what they think is barbecue, but turns out to be a stampeding herd of cattle that had been lit on fire. Unfortunately, we don't have time to question this oddness, as we follow a flying saucer into space, wheeler it flies from Earth towards Mars, send a signal flare, and thousands of similar flying saucers rise from below the Martian surface, and travel en masse towards Earth, settling in orbit around the planet. 

        What follows is a series of events delving into the lives of several Americans. First, we meet President James Dale, who is conferring with several advisors, such as British scientist Donald Kessler, White House Press Secretary Jerry Ross, and U.S. Army Generals Decker and Casey. And, while Decker believes that the public should be kept in the dark, Jerry believes the American people should be informed. Casey questions whether of not the Martians are hostile, while Donald believes that, as an advanced civilization, the Martians aren't hostile whatsoever. So, President Dale decides to speak to the American people with a speech, prepared by Jerry, that should be "Statesmanlike, historical, and yet warm and neighborly," or as he also puts it "Abraham Lincoln meets Leave It to Beaver." 

       In another part of the White House, First Lady Marsha Dale is going over new colors and patterns to redecorate the Roosevelt Room, much to the disapproval of the Dales' teenage daughter Taffy, who reminds her mother that the White House "isn't your house." We then jump to Las Vegas, where we meet former boxing champion Byron Williams, who moonlights as a floor entertainer dressed as an Egyptian pharaoh, and we learn that he has family back in Washington, which includes his former wife Lucille and their sons Neville and Cedric, who have a tendency to run off. We then meet Art Land and his wife Barbara, as Art scopes out the competition in preparation for the opening of his new hotel/casino The Galaxy. And, okay, let's address this. Yes, Jack Nicholson is playing TWO roles in this movie with President Dale and Art the casino owner. The reason for this was because when Tim Burton offered a role in the movie to Jack, he remarked, as a joke, he wanted to play ALL the characters in the movie. So, Tim cast him in a dual role, and the rest is history. 

      Anyway, we also meet talk show host Nathalie Lake, along with her news anchor boyfriend Jason Stone, as they both learn that President Dale is cutting into their respective broadcasts with the address that information the American people of how the Earth is currently surrounded by flying saucers from Mars. The next morning, Nathalie learns that Donald is going to be a guest on her talk show, Today in Fashion, to discuss the Martians. And, it's pretty clear that during the interview, both Nathalie and Donald are flirting with each other. But, during the broadcast, the signal is interrupted by another signal from the Martian Ambassador, and it's here where we see a Martian for the first time, and hear their language of "Ack-Ack-Ack Ack Ack-Ack!". 

       Luckily, a group of scientists have built a translator that is meant to allow for communication between us and the Martians. And, the message from the Ambassador is translated, and we learn that it's absolute nonsense, with such phrases as "All green of skin," "Eight-hundred centuries ago," and the always popular "For dark is the suede that mows like a harvest." But, it's in the middle of the night that another transmission from the Martian Ambassador is received, and it reveals that the Ambassador, along with a small group of Martians, will make a landing on Earth in the Nevada desert just outside of Pahrump. But, while General Decker suggests sending out a strong military force, Donald implores President Dale that "we need a welcome mat, not a row of tanks." But, Dale agrees that a military presence is needed, and sends General Casey to lead the first contact deployment, which he happily accepts. 

        In Nevada, we see that Billy Glenn Norris, whose family includes his parents, his younger brother Richie, and his thoroughly senile grandmother, is part of the deployment under the command of General Casey, as are both Nathalie and Jason, with Barbara watching from afar. The Martians land, and the Martian Ambassador, joined by six other Martians emerge. And, the Martian Ambassador states that the Martians "come in peace," but thing take a turn when a hippie in the crowd releases a dove, leading to the Martians to begin blasting at everyone around. General Casey, Billy Glenn, and Jason are among those who are killed, while Nathalie and her pet Chihuahua named Poppy are taken aboard the Martian ship, which departs, leaving many in shock. 

       Back at the White House, President Dale is unsure of what to do. Jerry suggests a Town Hall, General Decker and Marsha suggest a full military counterstrike with America's nuclear arsenal, while Donald still implores for a line of communication with the Martians, believing what occurred in Nevada was merely a cultural misunderstanding. That night, President Dale sends a message to the Martians, apologizing for what may have been a cultural misunderstanding, but that the people of Earth still mean no harm. That Martian Ambassador and the Martian Leader read the message and simply laugh at it. 

       However, the Martians do send a response, seeking to issue a formal apology and speak to a joint gathering of Congress. And, this time, President Dale is taking few chances, as he has General Decker with as much military firepower as possible. And, of course, despite no form of provocation whatsoever, the Martians kill countless Congressmen and Senators, abduct Donald, and retreat into space. In the War Room, President Dale apologizes to General Decker, but still is unwilling to use the U.S. nuclear arsenal against the Martians. And, when Decker continues to push, Dale shouts "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!!!", and then has Jerry prepare an address for the country. 

         On board the Martian ship, we see that the Martians have disassembled Donald, and swapped Nathalie's head with that of Poppy, meaning that Nathalie's head is now on the body of her dog. And, the two admit to flirting with each other on the show, and Donald admits to having had a crush on Nathalie for quite some time. In Washington, a Martian disguised as a tall human woman, dubbed the "Martian Girl," arrives at the White House, and Jerry, who is an absolute horn dog, takes her inside and leads her to a hidden space called the "Kennedy Room." But, when he tries to get rid of her gum, Jerry loses a finger and is bludgeoned to death. Replacing the gum, the Martian Girl heads to the President's bedroom and tries to kill him, but everyone is awakened by the Dales' dog Rusty, and the Martian Girl is shot dead. This is observed by the Martian Leader, and the ENTIRE Martian fleet is dispatched to Earth. Now, how did the Martian Girl survive our atmosphere despite the fact that the Martians breathe nitrogen? The gum was made of highly concentrated Nitrogen dioxide. 

         As the invasion happens, we see that the Martians have mastered the art of Troll Humor, as they carve up Mount Rushmore to replace the Presidents with Martians, they blow up the Taj Mahal in India, treat the Easter Island statues as bowling pins, drop the Washington Monument onto a bunch of Cub Scouts, and blow up the tower of Big Ben in London, all while the Martians use the translator to tell the humans "Don't run. We are yor friends." Oh, and we see Richie and Billy Glenn's parents get killed, Marsha gets crushed to death by the Nancy Reagan chandelier, Art is killed when his hotel/casino is destroyed, and an obnoxious gambler is killed as well. And, when the Americans finally DO launch a nuke, the Martians send out a probe to intercept and absorb the blast, which the Martian Leader gets high on. But, luckily, Barbara, a waitress named Cindi, and music idol Tom Jones escape in a plane, while Byron digs up his old boxing skills against some of the Martians. Also, we see President Dale and General Decker both killed by the Martian leader. 

      But, it's Richie and his grandma that discover the one thing that stops the Martians for good; the song "Indian Love Call" by Slim Whitman, which blows the Martians' heads open. Now, yes, this is clearly taken from the movie Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, where the worst love song ever made is what saves the day. But, is it really plagiarism if the filmmakers acknowledge that this was intentional? Anyway, the Martians are defeated, Nathalie and Donald profess their love and kiss, and the world is saved. Taffy presents medals to Richie and his grandma, and we see that Barbara, Cindi, and Tom Jones all made it to Tahoe, and the movie ends with Tom Jones' signature song "It's Not Unusual." 

        So, Mars Attacks! was a damn fun and funny movie. The performances from the actors were fantastic, with my favorites being from Jack Nicholson and Pierce Brosnan, the visual effects used to bring the overall look of the Martians and their vast arsenal from the trading cards to the screen was fantastic, and the antics of the Martians was hysterical. The music by Danny Elfman is one of my favorites of his. And, of course, the directing by Tim Burton was a ton of fun and certainly stands out from his typical fare. Definitely among my favorites of Burton, I definitely recommend checking out Mars Attacks! for a good laugh. 

       Alright guys, this is Chuck signing off, and I'll see you in the next review.