Review - The Benchwarmers (2006)

       Hey guys, Chuck here. Well, baseball season is back in full swing, no pun intended, so I thought it would be fun to take a look at a 2006 baseball comedy from Happy Madison Productions and director Dennis Dugan. This is my review of The Benchwarmers, starring Rob Schneider, David Spade, Jon Heder, Craig Kilborn, Molly Simms, Tim Meadows, Amaury Nolasco, Erin Bartlett, Nick Swardson, and Job Lovitz, with a special guest appearance by Major League Baseball icon Reggie Jackson. 

       The movie opens in a small Southern California town, where we see three nerdy kids playing baseball. It's here where we meet local landscaper Gus Matthews and paperboy Clark Reedy, who witness a local little league team pick on the three kids, with one boy from the little league team fart in the face of one of the nerdy kids, Nelson, who is pinned on the ground. Gus and Clark run the little league team off, and check on Nelson, who runs off in tears. Now alone, Gus reminisces about playing baseball as a kid, while Clark laments never getting the chance to. Gus suggests coming back after work and playing baseball, while Clarks suggests bringing along their friend Richie Goodman, a local video store clerk who also never got to play baseball as a kid. And, while reluctant at first, Richie agrees to join Clark and Gus. 

      And, it's made pretty clear that Richie and Clark kinda suck at baseball, but that's okay. It's still early in the movie. The bully little league team returns to practice, but Gus tells them "no coach, no field." But, as things escalate, Gus suggests a scrimmage game of baseball for use of the field. And, as I said before, Clark and Richie are pretty bad and get struck out repeatedly, but Gus proves to be a phenomenal baseball player and hits home run after home run, with each ball going over the outfield fence. On the last at bat, Gus hits a ball square in the chest of one of the bully kids, Kyle, who's hits the ground with the wind knocked out of him. Gus runs the bases while the other kids are distracted. And, while Clark is concerned, Richie remarks how it's fine. But, while everyone is distracted, Nelson returns and farts in Kyle's face, and runs off with the bully team chasing him. Looking at Kyle, Gus jokingly remarks "I think he just got the wind knocked back INTO him." 

      After the game, Richie takes Clark and Gus back to his apartment for a few drinks, and we meet Richie's brother Howie, who is both agoraphobic and heliophobic. Gus then suggests a celebratory dinner at one of those rare dine-in Pizza Hut restaurants, which Clark and Richie agree to. It's here where Richie meets and becomes smitten with a woman named Sarah, who works at the Pizza Hut restocking the salad bar. And, Richie is so tongue-tied that all he can remark is "I love salad." While sitting down and enjoying their meal, the little league team from earlier show up with their coach, Jerry McDowell, who was a former bully of Clark and Richie, and refers to them by past nicknames he gave them: "Clork the Dork" and "Richie Bitchie," and warns both to stay away from his baseball field. And, when Gus refers to Jerry as "Fairy Jerry," Jerry respond by dubbing him "Gus Bus," prompting Gus, Clark, and Richie to leave. Out in the parking lot, the guys meet Nelson's father Mel, who commends them for standing up to Jerry, but remarks on how Jerry oversees the county's little league baseball league. As for who Mel is, driving around in a Pontiac Trans-Am that has an onboard feature that makes it talk like K.I.T.T. from the television show Knight Rider (complete with the voice of William Daniels, by the way), Mel simply remarks "I'm just one of those nerds who grew up... to make billions," and he and Nelson drive off. Gus returns home, where he gets chewed out by his wife Liz, who is trying to have a baby with Gus. 

       The next day, Clark and Richie go shopping at a sporting goods store, where Brad, another one of their childhood bullies, is the owner, and challenges the two of them, and Gus, to a baseball scrimmage. Meeting Gus in the middle of a landscaping job, they tell him about Brad, and Gus takes a break from work to show the guy what's what. And, of course, Gus does so by hitting home run after home run, and pitching strikeout after strikeout. And Nelson, who had been watching, has Mel show up in the 1966 Batmobile to watch, as well. And, after Gus, Clark, and Richie win, Mel invites them to his house the next day for lunch, which they all accept. 

      And Mel's house is basically a massive glass house filled with all manner of geek memorabilia from franchises like Star Wars, Marvel, and so forth, and has a robot butler named Number Seven. During lunch, Mel proposes something unique: a round robin baseball tournament which will see Gus, Clark, and Richie form a team dubbed The Benchwarmers, and they will face all of the bully teams in the county's little league baseball league. The prize for the winning team? A newly built, state-of-the-art ballpark inspired by the most famous professional ballparks in America. Gus, Clark, and Richie are immediately on board, and the tournament is on. 

       While out with Liz for ice cream, Gus meets a boy named Sammy, whose habit of spitting while speaking earned him the mean-spirited nickname "Sammy Sprinkler," who asks to be scorekeeper and statistician for The Benchwarmers, and Gus says yes. As for Jerry, Brad, and the coaches of the bully teams, including a guy named Wayne, they are reluctant to participate, but agree to because the tournament is single-game elimination. So, they think that it will only take one game to eliminate the Benchwarmers. 

      However, it's not so easy, as Gus is still a power player, and he helps Clark improve slightly in the outfield, and the Benchwarmers win the tournament's first game. Oh, and Nelson's friends Gretchen and Mitchell act a online broadcast commentators for every game the Benchwarmers play in. Nice. Anyway, a few days before their next game, Mel decides to call in an old friend to help run some drills with the Benchwarmers to build and improve on skills. And, who is this friend? MLB legend Reggie Jackson. And, what drills does he run with the Benchwarmers? Childhood games and pranks like smashing mailboxes, playing hot potato with oven-fresh baked potatoes, and playing ding-dong ditch. 

        These drills help quite a bit, as Richie is able to score his first home run in the next game, which leads to the Benchwarmers advancing in the tournament. And, while at work, Richie gets a proper introduction to Sarah, and meets her younger brother Jared, who is a big Benchwarmers fan, and is especially a fan of Richie. After revealing the team baseball cards, Mel reveals that the next two games will be on the road in the towns of Candia and Brookdale, the latter of which is Gus' home town. As for how they'll be getting to the games? Mel acquires a bus he dubs "the Gus Bus." 

       In Candia, Gus gives Clark a way to get a hit by taping the bat to his hands. And, believe it or not, this actually works, and Clark is able to get a base hit. And, with this new momentum with both Clark and Richie getting a hell of a lot better at baseball, the Benchwarmers win both in Candia and also in Brookdale, landing them into the semifinals. During this game, Jerry decides to get a ringer for Wayne in the form of a baseball player form the Dominican Republic named Carlos. And, despite the fact that Carlos is clearly a grown man with a child of his own, Carlos has a "birth certificate" claiming he's twelve years old. But, it's clear that this "birth certificate" is just a white piece of paper with Carlos' picture on it, with the words "I Am 12" written in green crayon. But, Wayne is confident in his team. 

        Said confidence is misplaced, as the Benchwarmers nail home run after home run. Needing a boost, Wayne calls over a clearly inebriated Carlos to play, handing the "birth certificate" with a ten dollar bill in it to the umpire to allow Carlos to play. And, Carlos is able to strike out the Benchwarmers while scoring runs himself. To throw Carlos off his game, Richie has Howie buy a bunch of beer and a bottle of tequila and give them to Carlos. Carlos drinks all of it throughout the rest of the game, weakening his game, and allowing the Benchwarmers to hold Wayne's team at a tie. But, when the Benchwarmers load the bases in the final inning,.they have no one else. But, as Howie is in a Benchwarmers uniform, he's forced to come up to bat despite having never played baseball before. But, when Carlos hits Howie in the shoulder with the pitch, this forces in the run, which sends the Benchwarmers to the finals. After returning to home plate, Clark helps a clearly crying Howie to first place to finish the game. 

        We cut to Brad and a few others watching the game on television while playing poker, when one of the poker players, Steven, recognizes Gus and reveals a secret truth: Gus was a verbal bully in elementary school back in Brookdale, going after Steven's hair loss with such nicknames as "eightball," "bowling ball," and even "the Black Uncle Fester." Steven also reveals that a classmate with dwarfism was particularly targeted by Gus, who tormented the boy so bad that he wound up in an institution. This information is later revealed on the news, which disheartens Nelson, who had idolized Gus. At home, Liz suggests that if he went to the boy he bullied as a child and apologized, they could both move on from the past. 

      Gus, taking his wife's suggestion, drives back to Brookdale to meet his former bully victim, Marcus Elwood, who is clearly traumatized by seeing Gus after so long, and hides in a cardboard castle Marcus calls his "Peanut Butter Fort." And, while Marcus is cowering in fear, believing Gus to be a "bad, bad man," Gus apologizes for being an idiot, and being so cruel to Marcus, which left him unable to socialize and play baseball. And, to show his sincerity, Gus leaves his Benchwarmer hat on Marcus' plush moose, remarking "because even though you didn't know it, you were the hreat ond soul of this squad." 

       Mel hires one of those television home makeover crews to build the ballpark, and makes a blatantly obvious reference to Field of Dreams by proclaiming "If you build it, nerds will come." The stadium is built within twenty-four hours, and is ready for the final game of the tournament between the Benchwarmers and Jerry's team. And, while Gus won't be playing, he still wants to support his friends. And, after Mel welcomes the crowd to the game, Marcus arrives and confirms the story about Gus bullying him as a child, but reveals Gus arrived at his home and apologized, leaving behind his Benchwarmer hat. And, when a boy in the crowd shouts that Gus doesn't deserve a second chance, Marcus tells the boy how "life is too short to harbor hatred," and confirms that he's genuinely forgiven Gus for the past, remarking "Look at the joy and hope he's brought to all of us. He has more than paid his dues." A surprised and relieved Gus joins Marcus on the field and the two affirm their newly formed friendship. Gus, along with Clark and Richie, then reveals that the purpose of what the three of them did wasn't out of revenge, but to show how "everyone should be allowed to play baseball and have fun." So, instead of the three of them playing in the game, the Benchwarmers team would be made up of kids who never got to experience playing baseball in front of a live crowd of fans. And, this group of kids includes Nelson, Mitchell, Gretchen, Jared, and Sammy Sprinkler. 

      However, as Clark and Richie before them, the New Benchwarmers play pretty badly, getting struck out, and failing to catch any balls against the opposing team, who are surprised to see the Benchwarmers are just having fun playing baseball, win or lose, and aren't getting berated for losing. Inspired by this, and tired of Jerry's verbal abuse, Kyle and his teammate Troy come up with a plan to allow Nelson to get a run, with Troy telling him to "choke up on the bat a little and swing away," with Nelson offering to help Troy with his social studies homework. So, with Kyle, Troy, and their teammates messing around to the shock of Jerry, Nelson gets a home run, keeping the Benchwarmers from getting shut out completely, and both teams, along with Carlos, Wayne, Gus, Clark, Richie, Liz, and Sarah celebrating a Pizza Hut. Richie and Sarah share a kiss, as does Clark with another lovely woman, and Mel offers Gus the job of coaching the nee Benchwarmers for the next little league season, and Liz reveals that she and Gus are going to have a baby. Oh, and Howie is hanging out under a table with Wayne, revealing he no longer fears the sun, but isn't a big fan of the moon. 

       The Benchwarmers, while falling into many tropes familiar to Happy Madison movies, is still a fun comedy with some really fun baseball scenes. Rob Schneider as Gus was certainly fun, as was Jon Heder as Clark, with my favorite being David Spade as Richie. The likes of Craig Kilborn, Tim Meadows, Amaury Nolasco, and such were a lot of fun, and the many kids in this movie were clearly having a great time, especially with the baseball stuff. But, in my opinion, the special appearance by the legendary Reggie Jackson... was the ONLY great thing about this stinker of a movie.

       April Fool's! This movie is FAR from one of the best baseball movies ever made. The ONLY reason it was allowed to exist is because of Adam Sandler and Happy Madison. And, that's telling in and of itself. But, that doesn't mean the baseball element of the movie wasn't great, as it's probably the only part that brings me back to this movie. That, and the message that bullying isn't cool and EVERYONE should be allowed to have fun playing baseball. 

        Alright guys, this is Chuck signing off, and I'll see you guys in the next review. Have a great April Fool's Day.