Robert Rodriguez Month - Spy Kids 3D: Game Over (2003)

         Hey guys, Chuck here, and welcome back to Robert Rodriguez Month. When I was a kid, I was excited when I saw an insert in my Spy Kids 2 DVD advertising a third Spy Kids movie. And, then, when the marketing campaign kicked off in 2003, I was stunned to see that the movie would be in 3D. And, I am referring to the old style of 3D with the red and blue lens glasses. Spy Kids 3D: Game Over, once again written and directed by Robert Rodriguez, sees the returns of several cast members of the first two movies, including Antonio Banderas, Carla Gugino, Alexa Vega, Daryl Sabara, Cheech Marin, Danny Trejo, Ricardo Montalban, Holland Taylor, Mike Judge, Matt O'Leary, Emily Osment, Alan Cumming, Tony Shaloub, Steve Buscemi, and George Clooney, with newcomers including Courtney Jines, Ryan Pinkston, Bobby Edner, Robert Vito, Salma Hayek, and Sylvester Stallone, with appearances by Glen Powell, Selena Gomez, and Elijah Wood. 

        So, it's been a minute since we last saw Juni Cortez, who opted to resign from the OSS at the end of Spy Kids 2. Nowadays, Juni is working as a private detective, handling small cases for kids, and rejecting calls from the OSS to come back. His goal is to save up money for an exciting new video game called Game Over, which was made by a man called the Toymaker. However, after considering donating his money to charity, Juni trips, breaking his piggy bank and losing his money. 

      Back at the treehouse, Juni opens a crate from Romero, which contains a fishbowl with a pair of miniaturized sharks swimming around. Gerti Giggles stops by for a brief visit, and she gives Juni some advice. After she leaves, the President of the United States calls Juni, revealing himself to be former OSS boss Devlin. Devlin reveals that because the OSS was a secret organization, no one knew he was the real mind running the country, and he became President so the world would know he was in charge. Devlin then confirms that the OSS needs Juni to come back, as Carmen is missing. 

       At OSS headquarters, Juni is taken to Games and Theory, where he reunites with Donnagon, who is much better behaved after being straightened out by his wife, Francesca Giggles. And, hot damn, do I like Francesca in this movie. And, why not? Salma Hayek, who plays Francesca in this movie, is as talented as she is attractive. Great job brining her into this movie, Rodriguez. Anyway, Francesca and Donnagon reveal that the video game Game Over is a trap, and upon completion, a player's mind will be taken by the Toymaker, who wants to control the children of the world with mind control, thus controlling the future of the world. It's also revealed that Carmen was sent in to shut the game down, but went missing at Level 4. As for why she went in with no backup, it's because her only choice of backup, Juni, wouldn't take any calls from the OSS. 

       So, Juni is given his mission: enter the game, locate and reunite with Carmen, and help her shut the game down before it goes live in twelve hours. However, one thing that Juni cannot do is release the Toymaker. After some out there computer effects, Juni arrives in the world of Game Over. And, okay, I have to admit this: the computer animation within the game world is atrocious, even for the time this movie was made. Yeah, it's meant to look cartoonish, but this is just waayyy to cartoonish for me. I didn't mind so much as a kid, but as an adult, it's pretty cut and dry how garish the animation is. Yikes. 

       Anyway, Juni finds himself getting dropped down a manhole by another player, and he learns from a guidance robot about how his lives work (if the life count hits zero, it's"game over," and there's no retries at all), and that his three-story fall cost him a life, Juni is returned to the surface, where two of the players he met earlier are hanging around, along with a third of their crew. And, it turns out that this trio, Arnold, Francis, and Rez, are beta testers. And, yes, they do take their time to make a pun with the character of Rez (when Juni says "Hi Rez," it sounds like hi res). Ugh. Anyway, Rez gives Juni more info, in that any form of boosts, cheat codes, etc. will trigger an instant "game over," and a permanent evacuation from the game. So, if you don't play the game by the rules, you don't play at all. Yeesh. Rez tells Juni that, to reach Level 2, he needs to hit a target that will launch him all the way to the moon. 

      However, the moon is not Level 2, and is instead home to the Arena of Misfortune, which hosts the RoboCon. However, before he goes to the Arena, Francesca and Donnagon contact Juni from the outside, and offer him aide in the form of bringing in someone from the outside to aide him on the journey. Going over the list of family members, Juni chooses his grandfather Valentin. Personally, I would have picked Gregorio or Ingrid, but whatever. Upon arrival, Valentin is stunned to learn that the Toymaker is in the game world, as Valentin had been looking for the man for thirty years. Valentin goes get a power up in the form of MegaLegs, which allows Valentin to walk within the game world. 

       At the RoboCon arena, Juni ends up in a mech fight against a girl named Demetra, and Juni eventually wins the fight, which gets him both a power suit and a trip to Level 2, where the beta testers believe that Juni is "The Guy," a powerful figure in the game who can lead players through Level 5. However, while Francis and Arnold believe that Juni is The Guy, Rez is unconvinced, leading to the ultimate test: MegaRace. A race in which there is only one rule: win at any cost. The MegaRace is easily the most kickass sequence in the movie, as we get multiple vehicles, cartoonish weapons, a massive vertical jump, and all manner of stuff. Anyway, Juni manages to win the race, and is joined on his journey by Arnold, Francis, Rez, and even Demetra. 

       Unfortunately, the Programmers are on the loose, and they're trying to catch someone who has a game cheat. And, who has the cheat? Demetra, who has a map to the game, which gives the easiest direction to the door to Level 5. The Programmers, clad in outfits that were most likely rejects from The Matrix Reloaded, show up, but are chased off thanks to Valentin. The Toymaker, meanwhile, has been watching the whole time, and decides to send Juni a life pack, which he decides to use on Demetra instead of himself. Simp. 

      The next challenge pits Juni head-to-head against Arnold, where the winner moves on to Level 4. After a tense fight, which leaves Juni with half a life, Demetra tags herself in, and is defeated. After this, the Toymaker frees Carmen back into the game, where she reunites with Juni and Valentin. However, Carmen points out to Juni how the Toymaker is the one who, thirty years prior, put Valentin in his wheelchair. So,. maybe Juni bringing his grandfather into the game wasn't a smart idea. Whoops. Anyway, the group surfs a river of lava flowing at Lava Mountain, and Donnagon and Francesca program a lava monster to drown them, which should trigger an immediate "game over." However, the lava is cold, and the group finds a cave entrance to the door to Level 5. 

         It's at this point that Francis and Rez speak about something interesting. Apparently, there's a figure in the game called "The Deceiver," who will lead players down a path of no survival. And, apparently, Francis thinks Juni may be the Deceiver, and not The Guy. It's at this point that we actually meet Frodo Baggins, sorry, I mean The Guy. Okay, you might think I'm joking, but no. The Guy is, indeed, played by Elijah Wood, who was Frodo Baggins in Lord of the Rings. Anyway, The Guy breaks the door to Level 5 open, but is zapped and gets a "game over." Suddenly, Demetra returns, and offers to point out the exit, and the switch to shut off the game, but she turns out to be the Deceiver. Whoops. Anyway, the Toymaker congratulates the players for winning, and reveals their prize: permanent residence in the game. But, they reach the exit thanks to Valentin, who hit the shut-off switch. Everyone gets out, and it's back to the real world. 

        And, it's here where we learn that the switch Valentin flipped released the Toymaker. Oops. Anyway, outside, we see that the Toymaker's gorilla robots are rampaging through the city, and Carmen and Juni call in the rest of the Cortez family to help, including Gregorio, Ingrid, Felix, Helga, and Machete. However, the family isn't enough, so Juni calls in the rest of their allies: Floop and Minion from the first Spy Kids, and both Dinky Winks and Romero from Spy Kids 2, along with Gary and Gerti Giggles. Luckily, the robot gorillas fall, but one robot remains. And, this time, Valentin heads inside of it to finally confront the Toymaker. And, it's here where we see the face-off the movie had been building towards, where Valentin points out all of the things he missed out on because of the Toymaker's mistake: walking on the beach, seeing the birth, and later wedding, of Ingrid, but also the things he learned: humility, spirituality, and understanding. And, Valentin ultimately forgives his old friend for what happened. The Toymaker, whose name we learn is Sebastian, flips the switch and ends the game for good. Happy endings all around. Ugh. 

        Okay, so I did enjoy this movie as a kid. But, as time has gone on, the cheese factor really takes me out of it. The performances are, in an almost literal sense, phoned in, mostly because a lot of the actors had limited time to appear, and were barely on screen together. The new characters weren't particularly interesting, and this movie was easily Sylvester Stallone at his worst since Demolition Man. And, the CGI was just...

        Honestly, this one is only worth it to watch as part of the original Spy Kids trilogy, and it was genuinely at its best when it was in theaters and in 3D. Outside of that, yeah it's not all that. Sorry. I'm giving Spy Kids 3D: Game Over a rating of 3.15/5. 

       Alright guys, this is Chuck signing off, and I'll be back tomorrow with Spy Kids: All the Time in the World. Because, yeah, even after the series was over, Robert Rodriguez made a fourth Spy Kids movie.