Robert Rodriguez Month - Machete Kills (2013)

         Hey guys, Chuck here, and we're back with more Robert Rodriguez Month . Yesterday, we took a look at the 2010 film Machete, so it only makes sense that today, we take a look at the 2013 sequel Machete Kills , directed by Rodriguez, written by Kyle Ward, and starring Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Demian Bichir, Sofia Vergara, Vanessa Hudgens, William Sadler, Marko Zaror, Alexa Vega, Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas, Amber Heard, Mel Gibson, and Carlos Estevez (Charlie Sheen), with a minor appearance by Jessica Alba. 

        The movie actually opens with a mock trailer for a possible third Machete film, which is called Machete Kills Again...In Space, which will see Machete and Luz do their thing, but in outer space. And, according to the mock trailer, Machete Kills Again...In Space is set to feature Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Alexa Vega, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber as Bleep the Robot, and, as a special guest star, Leonardo DiCaprio as The Man in the Silver Mask (albeit with an "actor subject to change" disclaimer). I like that Rodriguez chose to open the movie with this mock trailer, as a nod to the Machete series' roots with Grindhouse.

       Anyway, now it's on to the main movie, where we see Machete and Sartana, are looking to stop a rogue military unit from selling weapons to the Cartel, who has their guys show up and kill the soldiers. However, a bunch of masked men show up in helicopters, and they start killing the Cartel guys, and the leader of the masked men kills Sartana for finding a missile in the back of one of the trucks. Machete is taken and hung by Sheriff Doakes and Deputy Clebourne, but is released when a call comes in from President Rathcock. 

        Machete then heads to Washington DC, where Rathcock requests for Machete to head south of the border into Mexico to check in on a madman named Marcos Mendez, who has a missile (the one Sartana found) aimed at Washington. In exchange for his aid, Rathcock promises to erase Machete's criminal record, and grant him full American citizenship. Accepting the mission, Machete heads to San Antonio, Texas, where he meets his mission handler, an undercover agent and beauty pageant model named Blanca Vasquez/Miss San Antonio. Blanca gives Machete the low down on Mendez, a woman named Cereza, who is the one Machete needs to contact in order to get to Mendez. Blanca also gives Machete the equipment he needs for the mission, and the two end up having sex. 

       The next day, Blanca flies Machete in a helicopter over the border wall (just go with it), and he air drops in to Acapulco. That evening, he finds Cereza at a bordello owned by her mother, Madame Desdemona, and she flees with Machete. While waiting for Mendez's helicopter, Cereza tells Machete of how Mendez has developed a split personality: one who fights for the good of Mexico, and the other who is a genocidal lunatic. The helicopter arrives, picks up Cereza and Machete, and Mendez calls his top guard, Zaror, who kills Cereza en route to Mendez's hideout. 

         In his confrontation with Mendez, Machete learns that the missile is rigged to Mendez's heart, and programmed to launch of Mendez dies. Mendez then has his top scientist killed, leaving only one man who can disarm the missile, forcing Machete to drag Mendez back to the U.S. After a bloody brawl against some bad guys, Machete starts his trek across Mexico to get Mendez to the place the missile was made: VozTech. On the journey, Mendez reveals he was a special agent working for the government of Mexico, and he was attempting to expose corruption within the Mexican government, but was betrayed by his superiors, who forced him to watch his wife and family be tortured and killed, thus causing his split personality. 

       Unfortunately, the launch timer was activated by Mendez, and a bounty placed on the heads of both Mendez and Machete. This means that, ultimately, several individuals across Mexico will be after them, including Madame Desdemona and the girls of her bordello, a number of corrupt police officers, and various things and Cartel boys. And, of course, there's El/La Camaleón. Who, you may ask? Well, they're a shape shifting assassin who has evaded capture because of their method. First, they take down a target, and then they change their identity by peeling off their current face like a rubber mask. And, we see four faces they take on, all played brilliantly by Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lady Gaga, and finally Antonio Banderas. Although, it's Lady Gaga as La Camaleón who is the one to almost get Machete and Mendez. Luckily, before they are nabbed, Machete and Mendez make it across the border, only for a clone of Zaror to arrive with men in masks, and Mendez is killed. 

       Machete, who was knocked out by Zaror and the masked men, finds himself recuperating in a healing pool at VozTech, where he meets the mastermind behind Mendez: Luther Voz. Voz is a weapons manufacturer, space technology industrialist, and massive Star Wars fan. It turns out that Voz not only gave Mendez the missile, but two others like it to Russia and North Korea. Why? To end the world and restart civilization in a colony he built in space. Also, Voz wants Machete to be the template for his clone army, given that Machete defeated Zaror, who was the previous template for the clone army. Machete refuses, escapes, and is picked up by Luz. Upon seeing how much the Network has upgraded, Machete is shocked to see that the Network's explosives expert is none other than Osiris Amanpour, who became born again after killing Padre in the first movie. Machete contacts Blanca to give her an update, and the two arrange to meet at an abandoned drive in, where we learn that she was officially crowned Miss Texas. Unfortunately,  she's working with Voz, and turns on Machete. 

       After a fight between Luz, Tito, and Osiris against Blanca and her thugs, Machete finds himself back in Mexico, where a truck driver picks him up. But the trucker, played by Antonio Banderas, turns out to be El Camaleón. Machete is able to evade El Camaleón, who goes after him, oh to run a foul of the remaining Border Vigilantes. Machete, meanwhile, is rescued by the Network, who mounts an assault on a gala event at VozTech. During the confrontation, Osiris is unable to disarm the missile and is killed, Luz has her one good eye shot out by Blanca, but is still able to kill the traitorous bitch, and Machete fights off Voz, burning a majority of his face, forcing Voz to do the silver mask seen in the mock trailer for Machete Kills Again...In Space. In other words, the Man in the Silver Mask is none other than Voz. Voz finds Luz, freezes her in Carbonite, and captures the members of the Network. Machete, meanwhile, deactivates the missile after it launches, crashing it into the Rio Grande, while Voz launches into space, proclaiming "See you in space, Mr. Machete."

       Machete is picked up by Rathcock, who confirms that all of the VozTech missiles were deactivated, and then sets Machete to take a top of the line SpaceX rocket into space to go after Voz, which Machete agrees to. At the launch site, Machete meets SpaceX CEO Elon Musk, who wishes Machete luck, and tells him to "get the bastard." And, the movie ends with a reminder that Machete will return in Machete Kills Again...In Space.

        Okay, so a lot more going on in this movie compared to the original, and the end result was a batshit crazy ride that I have a lot of fun with. The absolute rollercoaster of a story, going from one bad guy to the next, is completely nuts, and all of it surrounding around a doomsday plot to end the world and build a new one in space. The sheer insanity of it all is made abundant with the equally insane performances throughout the movie. 

       Speaking of which, Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, and Jessica Alba all did really well reprising their roles as Machete, Luz, and Sartana, and I also enjoyed seeing the return of Tom Savini as Osiris. Among the newcomers, I really enjoyed Amber Heard as Blanca Vasquez, Charlie Sheen as President Rathcock, and Mel Gibson as Voz. Vanessa Hudgens as Cereza was really good, and the same definitely goes for Alexa Vega as Killjoy. But, the two most batshit insane performances came from Sofia Vergara as Madame Desdemona and Demian Bichir as Mendez. Both were fantastic as these two characters who were clearly crazy as hell, and I loved it. 

         Machete Kills definitely felt more in line with a James Bond flick with a Grindhouse edge to it. The emphasis on gadgets and tech, the industrial villain lair for Voz, the exotic hideout that Mendez had, and the sci-fi nature of the final act was really neat, and was something that I had fun with. Now, just because I found it fun doesn't mean it was necessarily good. Simply put, Machete Kills is fun,.and it's a great movie to watch with friends on a Saturday night with some chips, salsa, and tequila, but isn't a big game changer of cinema. So, I'm giving Machete Kills a rating of 4/5. 

        And, yes, there have been rumblings over the years for Robert Rodriguez to make Machete Kills Again...In Space, and I, along with guys like Jeremy Jahns, will be through the roof when Rodriguez finally makes that movie happen. The fans want it, Danny Trejo wants to do it, so let's do it. 

        Alright guys, this is Chuck signing off. Next time for Robert Rodriguez Month, we'll be taking a look at the 2019 film Alita: Battle Angel.