Marvel May - X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

        Hey guys, Chuck here, and we're back with more Marvel May. Yesterday, I took a look at X2, which is one of the best films of the X-Men franchise. Today, however, I'm looking at one of the worst X-Men films of all time: X-Men: The Last Stand.

       Combining elements from the comic storylines "Dark Phoenix" by Chris Claremont and "Gifted" by Joss Whedon, this movie tells of how, upon discovering his son is a mutant, pharmaceutical magnate Warren Worthington II begins working on a "cure" for mutation, creating a serum derived from a young mutant called Jimmy/Leech that suppresses the mutant X gene. Meanwhile, things at the Xavier Mansion are going steady, with Logan helping train a new generation of X-Men such as Rogue, Bobby/Iceman, Kitty Pryde, and Peter Rasputin/Colossus. However, Logan was only filling in for Scott, who has been severely depressed since the death of Jean Grey. Heck, even the Professor is looking to Storm to take over after the Professor passes away, as Scott isn't the same. 

        Meanwhile, news of Mystique's capture, as well as the mutant cure, reaches Dr. Hank McCoy/Beast, who is a member of the President's Cabinet in the newly formed Department of Mutant Affairs. Okay, so the idea of a mutant in the Cabinet is definitely smart, but for that mutant to be Beast? Definitely the best decision made by the team making this movie. That's probably one of the few compliments I have towards this movie. Don't get used to it. News of the cure gets out, dividing the mutant community. Some, like Rogue, seek to be cured due to how dangerous their mutations are, whilst others, like the Omegas, are infuriated by the notion of a cure. Magneto and Pyro give some words to a gathering of mutants, including the Omegas, who join Magneto and Pyro as part of a new Brotherhood of Mutants. The leader of the Omegas, Callisto, helps locate Mystique so that Magneto can get her out. 

        Back as Alkali Lake, Scott sees Jean, still alive, and the two share a kiss. Unfortunately, her powers are so intense that she obliterates Scott completely. Yeesh. The Professor sends Storm and Logan to Alkali Lake, where they find Jean and bring her back to the Mansion. In the sublevels, the Professor begins working to restore the psychic barriers in her mind, as he's uncertain if it's the Jean that they all know, or a malicious entity known as the Phoenix. And, THIS is something that pissed a lot of fans off big time, as it was the most haphazard, piss poor take on arguably the most famous comic book story in X-Men franchise history. Seriously, this was just dumb. 

       Anyway, Worthington's son, Warren III/Angel, decides against taking the cure and flies away, Magneto breaks Mystique out, along with two other mutants: James Maddox/Multiple Man and Cain Marko/Juggernaut. Unfortunately, a guard takes aim at Magneto with a weaponized version of the cure. Mystique takes the shot, saving Magneto, but is depowered and abandoned by Magneto. News of the cure being weaponized without his approval reaches Hank, who resigns his position. Back at the Mansion, Jean reawakens and escapes, going to her childhood home. The Professor, Storm, and Logan go to pick up Jean, as do Magneto, Juggernaut, and the Omegas. A fight breaks out, and Jean destroys her home and the Professor. A funeral is held back at the Mansion, and Storm decides to keep the school open. 

         With Jean now on his side, Magneto assembles an army of mutants to launch an attack on Worthington Labs on Alcatraz Island in the San Francisco Bay, which is where Leech is being held. Raven, formerly known as Mystique, still feeling stung by Magneto abandoning her, hands the government info on the location of Magneto's camp. As they say, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Unfortunately, the launch on Magneto's camp results in only Multiple Man being caught, as the others are already in San Francisco, where Magneto lifts the Golden Gate Bridge and moves it so his army can reach Alcatraz on foot. 

       Logan, having already failed to bring Jean home, decides to unite the X-Men, including Iceman, Kitty, Colossus, Storm, and Beast, on a defensive mission to protect Alcatraz and Leech from Magneto. Angel, who came to the Mansion before, follows them. The military also prepares to defend Alcatraz, surrendering all metal on their persons and replacing it with plastic guns loaded with cure cartridges. The soldiers hold their own, going after some of the lesser mutants in Magneto's army, and some of the bigger weapons are easily destroyed by Arclight. The X-Men arrive and hold off Magneto's army. Iceman defeats Pyro, and Storm defeats Callisto. Kitty chases after Juggernaut to stop him from reaching Leech, leading to easily one of the most hysterical and cringe-inducing lines in the movie: "Don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" Kitty, however, does reach Leech first, and Juggernaut knocks himself out when he is depowered by Leech. Worthington and his top scientist are both capture by Kid Omega, Arclight, and Psylocke. While the scientist is killed, Worthington is saved by his son, Angel. Ultimately, Magneto is depowered with the cure, and Jean kicks off a massive telekinetic attack, only to be stopped by Logan. 

        In the aftermath of everything, Beast is made an official U.N. Ambassador, Storm takes over running the Xavier School, Rogue returns to Bobby officially depowered (although in an alternate scene, she decided against taking the cure), the Golden Gate Bridge begins reconstruction, and Magneto starts to get the feeling that the cure isn't as permanent as we were led to believe. Lastly, a post-credits scene sees Dr. Moira MacTaggert working with a comatose man, who awakens with the voice and mind of Professor Xavier. 

        Okay, there's no getting around it, this movie sucks ass. But, I want to get into what made it suck ass. First, the idea of combining the "Gifted" storyline with the "Dark Phoenix" storyline was way too much. I think one of these could fill a movie, but not both. Trying to implement both comics storylines in the same movie just felt haphazard at best, and overstuffed at worst. 

       Speaking of overstuffed, there were way too many new characters in this movie to really keep track and have decent character development. The only ones who really get any kind of development are Jean, Wolverine, Storm, and Magneto, played brilliantly once again by Famke Janssen, Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, and Ian McKellen. Patrick Stewart as Professor Xavier is almost wasted in this movie, and James Marsden as Scott might not have wasted showing up his screen time is so non-existent. Heck, they practically fridged Rebecca Romijn as Mystique by depowering her halfway through the movie, which is a damn shame in my book. As for the newcomers, I really enjoyed both Kelsey Grammer as Beast and Dania Ramirez as Callisto. Ben Foster as Angel almost feels like an obligatory inclusion, and he really doesn't add a lot, and aside from his one memorable line, Vinnie Jones only looks like Juggernaut and that's it. Now, Elliott Page (credited at the time as Ellen Page) was excellent as Kitty Pryde, and definitely shared some fantastic scenes with Shawn Ashmore as Iceman. Unfortunately, this does come at the cost of more scenes with Anna Paquin as Rogue, who might as well not even be in this movie. 

         The music score by John Powell isn't bad, per se, but it definitely feels like an inferior attempt to replicate the awesomeness of John Ottman's score from X2. The visual effects and the stunts are decent, but really feel jumbled and all over the place. I honestly couldn't identify a dozen of the background mutants featured in the movie, it was that hard to keep track. And all of this boils down to the director. Brett Ratner, who directed this movie, was clearly forced into a bind and delivered what he could to the studio. But, what he delivered was a complete letdown coming off of the awesomeness that was X2. Now, some guys do, admittedly, like this movie and, that's fine, you're more than welcome to like it. But, you gotta acknowledge that it's bad. Heck there are some Marvel movies that I enjoy like Daredevil, Ghost Rider, and the 2005 version of Fantastic Four, and even I acknowledge that they aren't good movies. 

       Now, I initially planned on giving the movie a zero, but since this isn't the absolute lowest point of the franchise, I'm giving X-Men: The Last Stand a rating of 1/5. Now, what IS the lowest point of the X-Men franchise? Join me tomorrow as we continue Marvel May with X-Men Origins: Wolverine.