Review - Pinocchio (2022)

         Hey guys, Chuck here. Well, today is Disney+ Day, and as part of it, Disney released their live-action remake of the animated classic Pinocchio onto Disney+. And now that I've just finished watching it, I have some definite thoughts. 

           Okay, so this movie, which was directed and co-written by Robert Zemeckis, is basically beat for beat a re-telling of the story of Pinocchio, from both the original animated classic and the Italian fairy tale it was based on. A woodcarver named Geppetto carves a marionette out of pine, calls his creation Pinocchio, and after wishing upon a star, Geppetto's wish is granted by the Blue Fairy. Now moving and talking his own, Pinocchio has a slew of adventures with his conscience Jiminy Cricket in tow, and his adventures include performing in Stromboli's puppet show, traversing to Pleasure Island, which is a cursed amusement park that turns children into donkeys, and eventually saving his father from being devoured by a sea monster called Monstro. You get the idea, it's pretty much the story everyone already knows. No new ground being broken with this one, guys. 

         Anyway, there are definitely some performances I enjoyed more than others, with possibly my two favorites being Tom Hanks as Geppetto and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Jiminy Cricket. Benjamin Evan Ainsworth does a terrific job as the voice of Pinocchio, as Cynthia Erivo does really well as the Blue Fairy. Honestly though, the two that felt the most phones in were Giuseppe Battiston as Stromboli and Luke Evans as the Coachman. These two are just ridiculous, and so cartoonish that they really felt like some restraint was needed with the performances. Now, there is one major new character in the form of Fabiana, who has a puppet of her own called Sabina. Kyanne Lamaya is really good as this new character, who is the only one outside of the Blue Fairy, Jiminy, and Geppetto to show Pinocchio any sort of genuine kindness. Lastly, there's "Honest" John Foulfellow and his toadie Gideon. Keegan Michael Key does a decent job voicing Foulfellow, but the designs of these two characters is creepy. 

        In fact, that's one of my biggest issues. Now, with characters like Pinocchio, Jiminy, and Monstro, I get it, CGI is necessary, and the same goes for Gideon and Foulfellow. But, with the CGI for Pinocchio, Jiminy, and Monstro the CGI works. For Gideon and Foulfellow, and worse yet Figaro and Cleo, the CGI doesn't work, and just has a freaky Uncanny Valley feel to it. On top of that, did we need to have the kitten and the goldfish be CGI in this movie? Was there a point to that? Jeez! 

           Now, there are a few things they added. For example, unlike in the original animated film, we DO see Pinocchio attempt to go to school in this movie, but he gets kicked out on day one just for being a puppet. We also see that Stromboli got arrested some time after Pinocchio escaped from his clutches. But his arrest was for something unrelated. Lastly, the filmmakers drastically toned down the Pleasure Island sequence. One major issue that some have with the story of Pinocchio in more recent years is the fact that the owners of Pleasure Island trick kids to the amusement park into going to the park and making complete jackasses of themselves, and the island's curse turns them into donkeys. Now again, while this is still in the new movie, it's definitely been toned down. It's still there, just not nearly as intense as before. 

           Easily the biggest "screw you" that is in this movie is the ending. Honestly, since this is a Disney+ release, I don't care about spoiling the ending, so here it goes. We don't see Pinocchio become a real human boy. I mean, literally in every single adaptation of Pinocchio, we clearly see him become a real boy, but in this version? Nah, let's just leave that crap ambiguous. I mean, seriously, not cool Zemeckis. Not cool. 

           Overall, I'm glad I gave this version of Pinocchio a watch, but it's not really one that I'd rank among the better of Disney's live-action remakes of animated films. I'm giving Pinocchio a rating of 3.75/5. Honestly, up until that weak-ass ending was I thoroughly enjoying this movie. But that damn ending, man. Jeez. 

         This is Chuck signing off. Have a great Disney+ Day, and stay tuned for this weekend, when I break down the upcoming Disney announcements from the D23 Expo. See you guys then.