Review - Batman & Robin (1997)

         Hey guys, Chuck here. Well, we're just a couple of months away from the release of Matt Reeves' upcoming film The Batman, and I have one more Batman film that I have to discuss. However, this movie is so heinously bad, that I needed to be in a mindset to just go full-on fanboy rage fest all over the film. And I am most definitely in that mindset as I write this review. So, brace yourselves dear readers, as we delve into the 1997 Joel Schumacher film Batman & Robin. While Chris O'Donnell returned as Dick Grayson/Robin, George Clooney takes over as Bruce Wayne/Batman, and is easily the worst actor to have portrayed Batman. 

         So, this movie has three villains in it. The first villain we meet is Mr. Freeze, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is ripping off the largest diamonds in Gotham in order to build a freezing engine. We actually learn that Freeze has a tragic past, as he was once renowned scientist Dr. Victor Fries, who cryogenically frozen his wife Nora in an effort to find a cure for her incurable disease, referred to in this movie as Macgregor's Syndrome. Unfortunately, a laboratory accident sends Victor into a vat of cryogenic solution, which mutates his body so that he can no longer survive outside of subzero temperatures. Freeze's goal is to turn Gotham into a frozen wasteland in order to ransom the city for the money to finish finding a cure for Nora. 

         We also meet botanist Pamela Isley, played by Uma Thurman, who is working on the means to hybridize plants and animals in a way that makes plants able to fight back against those who would harm said plants. Unfortunately, her deranged research partner Dr. Jason Woodrue, played by John Glover, is taking Pamela's venom samples, and uses them to make a serum called "Venom," which he uses to turn wimpy-ass convict Antonio Diego into the muscle-bound masked mercenary Bane, played by Jeep Swenson. Unfortunately, this isn't the hyper intelligent mercenary from the comics, the Arkham video game series, or even the version Tom Hardy played in The Dark Knight Rises. No, THIS version of Bane is just a dumb, muscly thug, and he comes off as really, really cheesy. Anyway, when Pamela finds out, Jason loses his mind and shoves a bunch of poisons and toxins all over her,.which eventually turns her into the sexy, poisonous femme fatale Poison Ivy. Ivy kills Woodrue, and takes Bane with her to Gotham, leaving the lab in South America to burn down. 

      So, Batman and Robin must contend with these villains, but they get some help from Alfred's niece Barbara, played by Alicia Silverstone, who is in town because Alfred is dying of illness. Specifically, stage one of Macgregor's Syndrome, the same disease that afflicted Freeze's wife Nora. Barbara herself eventually suits up as the masked crime fighter Batgirl, and she single handedly defeats Ivy, and helps Batman and Robin subdue Bane and Freeze, who redeems himself by handing over the cure for stage one of Macgregor's Syndrome, which saves Alfred's life. 

         Okay, so one thing that everyone harps on regarding Batman & Robin is the anatomically correct suits for Batman, Robin, and even Batgirl, but primarily with Batman and Robin. Now, Schumacher admitted that the suit designs were inspired by the Greek Adonis statues, which themselves were anatomically correct. Now, I, myself, don't care for the suit designs, but I will acknowledge that the designs are a bit much. The only designs I don't care for are the vehicle designs, particularly the Batmobile. I mean, is that thing supposed to have an alternate mode as a French discotheque? What the hell? 

           One thing that gets pointed out a lot is the overuse of the Dutch angle shots. However, the Dutch angle shot was a common thing in the 1966 Batman television series with Adam West and Burt Ward, so I can overlook that. However, we're about to get to the really stupid shit that I really don't like that are apparent in this movie. First off, the shot of Batman sliding down the back of a dinosaur like he's frickin Fred Flintstone is just completely pointless. Also, why the hell did they give Freeze wings to glide down? I forgot the part where he was turned into Moth Man. 

       But the worst offender is this: during the scene where Batman and Robin are at the Gotham Botanical Garden for a charity event, in an attempt to capture Mr. Freeze, and they get hypnotized by Poison Ivy's pheromone dust, to the point where they start to outbid each other for the chance to be with Ivy, and Batman whips out, get this, a Bat Credit Card. I mean, seriously? A Bat Credit Card? Who the hell thought that was a good idea? I just-- GAAAHHH!!!! 

         Unfortunately, this film was so heavily panned by critics, and had the lowest box office of any Batman movie, which led Warner Bros. to cancel plans for a sequel called Batman Unchained, which would have had Scarecrow and Harley Quinn as the villains. Oh, and by the way, Harley in that film would have been portrayed as the daughter of Jack Nicholson's version of the Joker, which was really stupid. Luckily, that movie didn't happen, and Warner Bros. held off until the release of Batman Begins in 2005. 

        It's because Warner Bros. learned from this massive Bat Bomb that I give Batman & Robin a low rating of 0.75/5. Seriously, this is one that isn't worth watching, even if you're a hardcore fan of Batman. Anyway, this is Chuck signing off, and I'll see you guys next time.