90's Throwback Month - Godzilla (1998)
Hey guys, Chuck here. Well, we've officially reached the end of 90's Throwback Month, and what better way to mark the end of a month dedicated to a decade that gave us some landmark films, cult hits, and some of the most well-known disaster films of all time than by ripping into what is, quite possibly, the biggest film disaster of all time. Ladies and gentlemen: Godzilla.
Released in the summer of 1998, this Roland Emmerich-directed waste of celluloid was marketed pretty cleverly, as they never showed the monster directly in any of the marketing, instead relying on audience imagination, with billboards saying "His head is as big as this sign" and bus signs that read "His foot is as long as this bus." Even the film's tagline, "Size Does Matter," made the movie sound cool. Unfortunately, the film we ended up getting, while something cool for kids back then to enjoy (myself included), was a complete disastrous piece of shi-- you know what? Let's just get to the review. This is Godzilla.
The movie starts off by showing a group of French Polynesian water iguanas, and their eggs, which get affected by nearby nuclear testing conducted by the French. Some time later, a Japanese cannery ship is attacked of the French Polynesian coast by something massive, after which we cut to biologist and nuclear radiation expert Dr. Nick Tatopoulos (played by Matthew Broderick), who is pulled from a site at Chernobyl, where he was digging up earthworms, to work with the US military to identify the creature that attacked the Japanese ship earlier, and then stomped its way through Panama. Meanwhile, a group of French secret service agents, led by Philippe Roaché (played by Jean Reno), question a survivor of the Japanese ship that was attacked ,who can only describe what he saw with one word: "Gojira." Later, in Jamaica, the military, including Nick and paleontologist Elsie Chapman, arrive at the now beached Japanese ship that was attacked, with Nick taking a few samples from the wreckage.
Some time later, the creature-- ah screw it, let's just call it Godzilla. Anyway, Godzilla pulls three fishing boats underwater by grabbing the nets from all three boats. And guess what? The three boats were on the Eastern Seaboard. Meanwhile, Nick dismisses a theory that Godzilla is some sort of lost dinosaur, and could be a mutated creature from the nuclear fallout from the testing that was being done in the Pacific. Meanwhile, Godzilla finally makes landfall in New York City, stomping through the streets, leaving destruction in his wake, including a massive hole in the middle of the MetLife building. The military arrives, setting up shop just outside of the city, and they work to locate Godzilla and take him down. At the same time, the mayor of New York, Mayor Ebert, orders the evacuation of the city, so that civilian casualties won't be as high. Nick comes up with an idea to lure Godzilla out of hiding with a huge pile of fish (and no, I'm not going to make a "That's a lot of fish" joke. The Nostalgia Critic did that way funnier in his review). While the trap works, the military's weapons are ineffective against Godzilla, instead destroying landmarks like the Flatiron Building, the Chrysler Building, and so much more. Now, I should say that the military's weapons were mostly ineffective, as Nick did discover a blood sample, and after analysis determined that Godzilla traveled to New York to find a nesting area, as the tests determined that he is preparing to lay eggs. After Nick's ex-girlfriend and aspiring reporter, Audrey, steals a confidential tape of the various places Godzilla has been, Nick is dismissed from the operation by the military, who ignore his suggestion to locate the nest. En route to the airport, Nick meets Philippe, who was driving the taxi Nick was in, and the two head to the French base of operations, where they are planning to find the nest, and Nick joins their team, suggesting they start their search in the Subway.
Meanwhile, using a second fish trap in the middle of Central Park, the military is unable to lure out Godzilla, who runs off and jumps into the Hudson River, where three US Navy submarines are waiting for him. While Godzilla destroys one of the subs, the other two seemingly destroy Godzilla, but we'll get to that later. Now, back to Nick and the French, who follow Godzilla's trail to a now-ruined Madison Square Garden, with Audrey and her friend and co-worker Victor "Animal" Palotti in tow. Nick and co. find the nest, but the eggs all start hatching, which means that dozens of hungry Godzilla infants are now running around the building, but the French work to, at least keep them contained. While many of the French are killed, Nick, Philippe, Audrey, and Animal survive and head to the broadcast booth, where they show the nest live on the news, and request that the military, who were watching at that very moment, destroy the building before the Godzilla infants escape into the city. While Nick, Audrey, Animal, and Philippe make it out safely, three Air Force F-18s arrive and completely destroy Madison Square Garden, killing all of the infants at once. Nick and Audrey reconcile and it seems like a happy ending... until Godzilla himself returns. Yeah, it seems that the Navy didn't' kill him in the Hudson like they thought they had, and now that he sees his offspring all dead, he is pissed. Nick, Philippe, Animal, and Audrey get away in a taxi cab, with Godzilla in pursuit, and they give a military soldier, Sgt. O'Neal, a clue to reach them. O'Neal, after arriving at a taxi central hub, reaches the others through the CB radio, telling them to find an open space to lead Godzilla to so that the F-18s, already heading back towards the city, can get a clear shot. Nick and co. lead Godzilla to the Brooklyn Bridge, where he gets caught in the suspension cables, and the three jets fire their missiles at him. After several passes, and at least nine missiles fired, Godzilla finally goes down, and dies from the strikes. Philippe takes off, Audrey quits her job, and all is well. Okay, there was some sequel baiting with an egg that hadn't hatched yet hatching in the middle of the ruins of Madison Square Garden, but this movie failed so spectacularly, that we ended up getting a made-for-TV animated series follow-up on the FOX Kids line-up instead. I've heard great things about the cartoon, but we're not here to talk about that, this is about the movie.
Godzilla is a complete dumpster fire from beginning to end. First of all, while some of the main cast are okay at times, a number of them are just insufferable. Not only that, but the Mayor and his aide are clearly satirizing real-life film critics Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, both of whom weren't fans of Emmerich's other films like Stargate and Independence Day, Heck, Siskel even pointed out that Emmerich could have had the character that were inspired by them get eaten by Godzilla. And while we're on the subject, let's talk about the ultimate elephant in the room, and that is Godzilla himself. The design is way wrong, and doesn't even resemble Godzilla, and the fact that he had NO atomic breath whatsoever, or anything that made Godzilla cool, is just absolute bullshit. Roland Emmerich just wanted Godzilla to look cool, and what we got was a poser that doen't resemble Godzilla, and despite the fact that conventional military weapons have no affect on Godzilla, this one was taken down by three US fighter jets. Seriously, that's just embarrassing. Not only that, the dated 90's product placement is everywhere in this movie, whether it's a sign for Josta cola, a sign for Blockbuster Video, or even one of the film's characters, Sgt. O'Neal, being played by the actor who played Matt on the show Melrose Place.
This movie is terrible, but as a kid, I enjoyed it fine. I was a kid, and this was a movie about a giant monster, which was all that mattered to me at the time. Looking back at it now, however, and I definitely see the flaws. Matthew Broderick wasn't a good choice for the lead, and the premise, despite being a modernized re-telling of the original 1954 Godzilla, was dull, weird, and made very little sense. Luckily, however, things happened that ensured this kind of disaster never happened again. First, the Japanese studio Toho got the rights to the creature from this film and renamed it as "Zilla," and when another American studio, this time Warner Bros. and Legendary Entertainment, went to make another American Godzilla movie, the results were very different, but we'll get to that version around the start of November. As for this Godzilla, I enjoyed it as a kid, and while I still watch it on occasion today, I feel that it's only purpose now is to be a relic of a bygone decade of film. Therefore, I'm giving the 1998 version of Godzilla a low rating of 1/5. This is Chuck signing off, 90's Throwback Month is finally over, and we'll be returning to our regular review schedule starting next Thursday. See you guys next time.
Released in the summer of 1998, this Roland Emmerich-directed waste of celluloid was marketed pretty cleverly, as they never showed the monster directly in any of the marketing, instead relying on audience imagination, with billboards saying "His head is as big as this sign" and bus signs that read "His foot is as long as this bus." Even the film's tagline, "Size Does Matter," made the movie sound cool. Unfortunately, the film we ended up getting, while something cool for kids back then to enjoy (myself included), was a complete disastrous piece of shi-- you know what? Let's just get to the review. This is Godzilla.
The movie starts off by showing a group of French Polynesian water iguanas, and their eggs, which get affected by nearby nuclear testing conducted by the French. Some time later, a Japanese cannery ship is attacked of the French Polynesian coast by something massive, after which we cut to biologist and nuclear radiation expert Dr. Nick Tatopoulos (played by Matthew Broderick), who is pulled from a site at Chernobyl, where he was digging up earthworms, to work with the US military to identify the creature that attacked the Japanese ship earlier, and then stomped its way through Panama. Meanwhile, a group of French secret service agents, led by Philippe Roaché (played by Jean Reno), question a survivor of the Japanese ship that was attacked ,who can only describe what he saw with one word: "Gojira." Later, in Jamaica, the military, including Nick and paleontologist Elsie Chapman, arrive at the now beached Japanese ship that was attacked, with Nick taking a few samples from the wreckage.
Some time later, the creature-- ah screw it, let's just call it Godzilla. Anyway, Godzilla pulls three fishing boats underwater by grabbing the nets from all three boats. And guess what? The three boats were on the Eastern Seaboard. Meanwhile, Nick dismisses a theory that Godzilla is some sort of lost dinosaur, and could be a mutated creature from the nuclear fallout from the testing that was being done in the Pacific. Meanwhile, Godzilla finally makes landfall in New York City, stomping through the streets, leaving destruction in his wake, including a massive hole in the middle of the MetLife building. The military arrives, setting up shop just outside of the city, and they work to locate Godzilla and take him down. At the same time, the mayor of New York, Mayor Ebert, orders the evacuation of the city, so that civilian casualties won't be as high. Nick comes up with an idea to lure Godzilla out of hiding with a huge pile of fish (and no, I'm not going to make a "That's a lot of fish" joke. The Nostalgia Critic did that way funnier in his review). While the trap works, the military's weapons are ineffective against Godzilla, instead destroying landmarks like the Flatiron Building, the Chrysler Building, and so much more. Now, I should say that the military's weapons were mostly ineffective, as Nick did discover a blood sample, and after analysis determined that Godzilla traveled to New York to find a nesting area, as the tests determined that he is preparing to lay eggs. After Nick's ex-girlfriend and aspiring reporter, Audrey, steals a confidential tape of the various places Godzilla has been, Nick is dismissed from the operation by the military, who ignore his suggestion to locate the nest. En route to the airport, Nick meets Philippe, who was driving the taxi Nick was in, and the two head to the French base of operations, where they are planning to find the nest, and Nick joins their team, suggesting they start their search in the Subway.
Meanwhile, using a second fish trap in the middle of Central Park, the military is unable to lure out Godzilla, who runs off and jumps into the Hudson River, where three US Navy submarines are waiting for him. While Godzilla destroys one of the subs, the other two seemingly destroy Godzilla, but we'll get to that later. Now, back to Nick and the French, who follow Godzilla's trail to a now-ruined Madison Square Garden, with Audrey and her friend and co-worker Victor "Animal" Palotti in tow. Nick and co. find the nest, but the eggs all start hatching, which means that dozens of hungry Godzilla infants are now running around the building, but the French work to, at least keep them contained. While many of the French are killed, Nick, Philippe, Audrey, and Animal survive and head to the broadcast booth, where they show the nest live on the news, and request that the military, who were watching at that very moment, destroy the building before the Godzilla infants escape into the city. While Nick, Audrey, Animal, and Philippe make it out safely, three Air Force F-18s arrive and completely destroy Madison Square Garden, killing all of the infants at once. Nick and Audrey reconcile and it seems like a happy ending... until Godzilla himself returns. Yeah, it seems that the Navy didn't' kill him in the Hudson like they thought they had, and now that he sees his offspring all dead, he is pissed. Nick, Philippe, Animal, and Audrey get away in a taxi cab, with Godzilla in pursuit, and they give a military soldier, Sgt. O'Neal, a clue to reach them. O'Neal, after arriving at a taxi central hub, reaches the others through the CB radio, telling them to find an open space to lead Godzilla to so that the F-18s, already heading back towards the city, can get a clear shot. Nick and co. lead Godzilla to the Brooklyn Bridge, where he gets caught in the suspension cables, and the three jets fire their missiles at him. After several passes, and at least nine missiles fired, Godzilla finally goes down, and dies from the strikes. Philippe takes off, Audrey quits her job, and all is well. Okay, there was some sequel baiting with an egg that hadn't hatched yet hatching in the middle of the ruins of Madison Square Garden, but this movie failed so spectacularly, that we ended up getting a made-for-TV animated series follow-up on the FOX Kids line-up instead. I've heard great things about the cartoon, but we're not here to talk about that, this is about the movie.
Godzilla is a complete dumpster fire from beginning to end. First of all, while some of the main cast are okay at times, a number of them are just insufferable. Not only that, but the Mayor and his aide are clearly satirizing real-life film critics Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, both of whom weren't fans of Emmerich's other films like Stargate and Independence Day, Heck, Siskel even pointed out that Emmerich could have had the character that were inspired by them get eaten by Godzilla. And while we're on the subject, let's talk about the ultimate elephant in the room, and that is Godzilla himself. The design is way wrong, and doesn't even resemble Godzilla, and the fact that he had NO atomic breath whatsoever, or anything that made Godzilla cool, is just absolute bullshit. Roland Emmerich just wanted Godzilla to look cool, and what we got was a poser that doen't resemble Godzilla, and despite the fact that conventional military weapons have no affect on Godzilla, this one was taken down by three US fighter jets. Seriously, that's just embarrassing. Not only that, the dated 90's product placement is everywhere in this movie, whether it's a sign for Josta cola, a sign for Blockbuster Video, or even one of the film's characters, Sgt. O'Neal, being played by the actor who played Matt on the show Melrose Place.
This movie is terrible, but as a kid, I enjoyed it fine. I was a kid, and this was a movie about a giant monster, which was all that mattered to me at the time. Looking back at it now, however, and I definitely see the flaws. Matthew Broderick wasn't a good choice for the lead, and the premise, despite being a modernized re-telling of the original 1954 Godzilla, was dull, weird, and made very little sense. Luckily, however, things happened that ensured this kind of disaster never happened again. First, the Japanese studio Toho got the rights to the creature from this film and renamed it as "Zilla," and when another American studio, this time Warner Bros. and Legendary Entertainment, went to make another American Godzilla movie, the results were very different, but we'll get to that version around the start of November. As for this Godzilla, I enjoyed it as a kid, and while I still watch it on occasion today, I feel that it's only purpose now is to be a relic of a bygone decade of film. Therefore, I'm giving the 1998 version of Godzilla a low rating of 1/5. This is Chuck signing off, 90's Throwback Month is finally over, and we'll be returning to our regular review schedule starting next Thursday. See you guys next time.
Comments
Post a Comment